Saphra’s Weblog

I am so tired of it. Really, I am. I have been pushed away by everyone. Its like I am stuck inside a glass box, and I can see the busy world going on around me. I scream and beat on the sides of the box, but no one can hear me over the noise of everything that is going on.

Sometimes I feel like a manikin in a window display. People stop and press their ugly faces against the glass. They say that I am beautiful, and that they want what I have…but they don’t really see me. They don’t understand they way I work.

I am tired of dreaming of you. I wish that I didn’t have to see you there, and that I wasn’t still connected to you. I have been rejected so many times. Why did I think that you would be any different? I was warned, but I let it slide right off of my back. I wish that I could just not let people in anymore, but I am so starved for attention that I can’t help it. I need physical affection. Its like an addiction. Just a hug, or a hand to lace through mine…something.

The light is fading, but at times I think that I can see another just faintly in the distance. Just a spark, and then its gone. I wish that the transition was smoother and quicker. I wish I could just skip this phase. It hurts so very much…

Now, more than ever, I have been calling on Crane. His wings lift me high above this pain, and his love fills my voids. These escapes only last while I am asleep, but any escape is better than none.