I am constantly fighting it back, trying to abate it, but I can never really get rid of it. I wish for a world in which I can trust its inabitants. Oh, but I know that wish is in vain. I am so eager to trust those around me that I have been hurt too many times, and so I push them away. I force myself to be calloused…but all I really want is peace inside my head, and contentment inside my heart. I have tried to love you, sister, but you push me aside until you get bored with life. I have tried to be here for you, but I can’t continue to hold you up, when you always let me fall. I will not turn to you anymore. I have always known that I would spend a great portion of my life in loneliness, I just did not anticipate the completeness of it.
I will take what I have learned and stand tall, holding myself high with my own strength. However much I may yearn for companionship, I know that ultimately I am perfect in just being me. My own flaws and weakness balance me out. I need not share them with anyone in order to recieve revelation. I can reach it by myself. I am capable. I am Cougar.
