Today

I tried to fly. I jumped into the air and my wings took me to great heights. I thought that I knew what I was doing. That I was a natural. I had the time of my life. I was free. I took my wings for granted. A gust of wind came from the wrong direction and my wings got tangled and torn. I fell to the ground where I lay in a broken heap. It took a couple days to stand back up and inspect the damage. The pain seemed to settle to a bearable throb. But I knew that my wings were broken and that I needed to set the bones straight if I ever hoped to fly again. Today will be the day. I will set things straight. I know that I will fly again. I thought that I knew what I was doing before, and I have learned from that mistake. I may very well fall the next time around, but it will not be because of arrogance. Today I will splint my wings, and bite through the pain. Today is the day. Today.

Muddled

The constant whirling
Swooshing, curling
Through my fingers
It stops to linger
Watch it coil
Steady turmoil
Constant pleasure
Hidden pressure
Take this bet
You won’t regret
Life is nothing
Without something
Love and fear
One single tear
Raindrops fall
I stand tall
Through the storm
Unadorned
Steady, simple
Truly a stemple
Shallow depths
I am inept
Life keeps flowing
Never knowing
What comes next
Take one more step
Just keep falling
My heart is calling
You’ll never end
What cannot begin

Letting Go

Here it comes. The crash. Winding its way down my body as if I were a spiral staircase. Searching for hidden paths it hasn’t traveled yet. I can feel its yearning to immerse all of me in its electric torture. The sparks shoot from my finger tips as I reach out my hands in hopes of finding something to hold to to steady myself. My breath has gone ragged and labored. Everything seems to wear a tint of red as I frantically search for some way out. After a few prolonged seconds I realize that this time there wil not be a way out. Finally it has reached my toes and the seemingly never ending quest to saturate my every cell is complete. Everything in time itself seems to stop as if the universe is holding its breath. All I can do to keep myself standing is chant in my head, “In. Out.” over and over as a mantra to kep my lungs working. The yelling begins and I know that all that I had predicted is being fulfilled. Numbers race through my head, one after the other, then screech to a hault at 25. Why is this the cut off? I thought that it would continue on to 28, but then I remember that things aren’t the same for everyone. Suddenly, a wave of white hot emotion washes over me and my body is wracked with sobs. One more step in my direction, one more push, and I’m ready to bolt. I see the faces getting closer, pressing in around me, and I run for the door. Outside the world is calm, but I know that it will not last. I’m running barefoot towards the edge with no intention of stopping. I can hear the heavy footfalls pounding out the proximity of those whom they belong to, and I will my legs to move just a bit faster. I keep running untill there is no longer any ground to be offered to my bleeding feet. As I fall I feel their hands grab my arms, but gravity’s will abates theirs into little more than a testament of finger shaped welts where they tried with all their might to keep me on the ground. I feel the air rush by my closed eyes and as I open them I realize that it’s not the air that’s moving, it’s me. The Earth below rushes to meet me, but just before it seems that I will surely die, I spread my wings and let them catch the air, pulling me parrallel to the ground in what is now a horizontal flight. A few beats of my wings and I am soaring at amazing heights. I look back to the cliff and see them all, arms still outstretched towards me. I feel the hot tears pour from my eyes and and catch in the wind. My mouth is incapable of speech, but my mind screams these words as if they could actually hear my thoughts, “I told you I was ready to fly. I told you I was ready. I told you.”